The Root of the Condition
by Melira
Summary: Jessica sees more than Harvey likes. And when she sees him having a panic attack, she sets him an ultimatum. Which leads to him having a rather uncomfortable session with his therapist. One-shot, set in the beginning of season five.


_A/N: __This is kind of an experiment, actually. It wasn't planned to be in this form, it just sort of happened... I'm curious how you'll like it!_  
_And please, keep in mind I'm not a therapist, so any assumptions and statements displayed are just the result of educated guessing._

* * *

"How long has this been going on?"

"Jessica. You do realize this is the men's room? Just because you're running this firm doesn't mean you can come in here on a daily basis."

"I can come in here as often as I want and whenever I find it necessary."

"And why on earth is it necessary right now? There's no deposition I missed and the partners' meeting only starts in two hours. One hour fifty, sorry."

"Because I saw what just happened."

"You saw what happened? Nothing happened."

"Oh yes, it did, and you know it. You walked by Louis's office, saw Donna in there working with him and went straight here, completely out of it. You didn't even hear me calling you. So I am perfectly right to follow you. Because this is my firm and I have to do everything I can to ensure everyone here works at a hundred and ten percent to keep it going. Which is something you can't do at the moment."

"Yes, I can! I am looking for a new secretary, I keep my appointments and as you know I just closed the Finchley negotiations. With noticeable profits that keep this firm from hitting rock bottom, I might add."

"Yeah, you did. With Mike's help and only to break down the second it was over."

"I didn't break down!"

"Harvey, I followed you. I saw you. I heard you."

"I'm fine!"

"Like hell you are! And you know it. So here's what's gonna happen. You get back up on your feet or I'll send you on indefinite leave until you do. I give you three options. You don't have to like either of them, but you will choose one and you will stick to it!"

"What options?"

"One, you go find yourself a therapist and get your shit together while Donna stays with Louis. Two, I assign her back to you so you can work out whatever it is that's going on between you two."

"There's nothing going on!"

"Three, I fire her and get her out of your sight. It's your choice. But either way, I'm getting back the Harvey Specter I know, and if it's at the expense of one Donna Paulsen."

"It's not your place to make decisions like that!"

"Oh yes, it is. I don't like to decide over your head, but as it is, you're unfit to act as named partner at the moment so I don't really have a choice."

"Unfit? Are you serious?"

"Harvey, this is not open for debate! Either you choose one of the options I gave you or I will do it for you and you may not like what I decide."

"Fine! I'll get myself a therapist. But don't you dare bringing this up ever again."

* * *

"Why didn't you tell her? Why didn't you tell her you were already seeing me?"

"Because it's none of her business."

"But you didn't tell her that when she told you to find a therapist. You just agreed to it."

"That's different. She's my boss, I have to do as I'm told."

"Somehow, I find it hard to believe that you actually care about that. And that's not the reason."

"No? Then what is?"

"If you had told her, you would have had to admit that you already know that you need help and that it isn't working so far."

"And who do I have to thank for that? Maybe I should just go find another therapist."

"You can do that. But it's not gonna change anything. No therapist will be able to help you as long as you don't fight for yourself."

"As long as I don't fight for myself? What the hell do you think I'm doing every day? When I get up, when I'm at the firm, when I leave again. I fight. Constantly. Because if I didn't, I wouldn't get a single thing done."

"That's different."

"How the hell is that different?"

"That's not fighting for yourself, that's fighting yourself."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you still refuse to see what the real problem is. You act on the assumption that your secretary leaving you is the root of your condition."

"Because it is. The attacks started the moment she went to work for Louis."

"But she is not the reason."

"Then what is?"

"I'd tell you if you were honest about yourself."

"I am honest, god dammit."

"No, you're not and there is no reason to raise your voice. You recite events completely emotionless, you act like nothing gets to you when clearly, the opposite is true."

"And now you're gonna tell me that I care more about the people around me then I let on. Yeah, I know the speech."

"You don't seem to agree."

"Because it gets you nowhere, caring for people. All it gets you is trouble. And ultimately, they leave you."

"You sound bitter."

"Because it's the bitter truth."

"Why do you think that?"

"It's a fact."

"I don't think so."

"Then maybe you're naïve. Not the best trait in a therapist."

"Maybe I am. But maybe it's you who can't see clearly, here."

"And why would that be?"

"Because something happened to you that traumatized you so much, you lost the ability to see that things can get better again, that people change and that sometimes, it may be better in the end than it was before, even when that seemed impossible."

"I am not traumatized."

"Yes, you are. You may deny it, but something happened to you that made you lose faith."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. You refuse to tell me."

"I don't refuse anything, there simply is nothing to tell."

"Yes, there is and I'm sure you know what. Something from your past, your childhood. Someone left you, betrayed you, and when your secretary went to work for one of your colleagues, it all came back again."

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Harvey, there is no need to get angry at me, I'm just trying to help you. And your reaction shows me that I am right. It was your mother, wasn't it? She left you behind."

"That's bullshit. The attacks have nothing to do with her. They're because of Donna who decided to leave me after twelve years together. And for your information, my mother didn't abandon me."

"Abandon you? That's a strong word."

"Leave, abandon, whatever. Just an expression."

"No, it's not just an expression. It's what you feel really happened to you. In your eyes, you were abandoned by your mother, in whatever form. Maybe, she didn't leave you in the literal sense of the word. Maybe, she stood by while something bad happened to you and didn't do anything to prevent it. Maybe, your father was…"

"Don't you dare bringing my father into this, he did nothing wrong! You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about and I've had enough. I'm done listening to this shit."

"Harvey, stop. Sit back down."

"Cancel the remaining appointments, I won't be needing any more advice from you. And I certainly don't need you guessing what did or didn't happen and blaming my father for it!"

"Harvey!"

* * *

_A/N: So, do you think it worked? When I started writing this little one-shot, there were some descriptions, then they got fewer and in the end they seemed completely wrong so I tried what happened when I didn't use any at all. This is what I came up with. Not the best thing I've ever written, but I decided what the hell, I wrote it, might as well publish it. So, how did you like it?_


End file.
